The Reason
by tinazardo
Summary: "And it clicked me, the second her eyes found mine through the song, this meant way worse than leaving the competition. This meant leaving me." A Demi/Jennel (The X Factor) fanfiction
1. I'm The Reason

She came up on stage, my heart getting tighter and tighter. She smiled to the audience in a way that showed her as she truly is: a sweet, shy girl who has passion in her dreams more than anything else in the world. That smile that got me since the first time she got up on that stage. "You have such a cute face, and you're really likable" I remember saying right after her first audition. From that day I could've sworn she would win the whole thing, that I wouldn't even have to worry about it, but there I was. And there she was, and behind that wonderful smile I knew that she was scared for her life.

She started singing the song she chose for the sing off, and I honestly had no idea what it would be. And it clicked me, the second her eyes found mine through the song, this meant way worse than leaving the competition. This meant leaving _me_.

Then I realized that the fact that I was still her mentor would bring all the cameras to my face, so I tried to show no emotion, holding her passionate gaze as she pronounced

_"And so I have to say before I go,_

_that I just want you to know_

_I found the reason for me_

_to change who I used to be,_

_The reason to start over new._

_And the reason is_

_You"_

It was almost a "goodbye".

It all made sense. The lyrics, I mean. They brought to my mind the times we argued, the whole change I made her go through, that she didn't really like in the beginning, and through all the judgments, she still rooted for me. She trusted me, even though I wasn't always entirely right about what to do sometimes.

I was the reason. It was a "goodbye", but it was also a "thank you, for everything".

I couldn't help but feel guilty after all the judgment I got myself for changing her style, it left me thinking if I was also the reason she was leaving. That was the most painful thing. I was the reason.

Paige did a good performance, of course, but I couldn't pay attention to it. The words Jennel said still sinking in my mind. "What did I do?" I asked myself over and over again.

Then there she was again, on stage, holding hands with Paige, praying for her destiny, and still managing to stay mature about it.

L.A. and Britney sent Jennel home with few, painful words. The decision was in Simon's hands.

"No, I'm not going to, I'm gonna let Demi go" he argued, sitting back and crossing his arms. And he got what he wanted, of course. He's the boss.

I don't remember being more angry with him than I was at the moment.

"Demi, please give the name of the act that you're sending home tonight"

I couldn't even think straight, I felt like I wasn't in position to judge, considering the history I had with Jennel, and I didn't even considered Paige's performance.

"The act that I'm sending home tonight is…" I couldn't even look at them. It just wasn't fair. Simon knew that. "Why don't we see from Simon first cause he was suppose to go?!"

"Demi, Demi, Demi! These are people's careers, lives with dealing with here. We can't prolong it any longer. We really need an answer on who you're sending home tonight" said Mario, even more impatient.

I looked up to her again. She seemed upset. That was what made me feel even guiltier. I couldn't let her go. I couldn't because that meant disappointed her; it meant not seeing her again until that damn competition was over. That meant no more sneaking out of rehearsals for frozen yogurt, and hugging, and fooling around. That meant no more inside jokes, no more deep conversations, no more looking into her eyes from up close, that meant no more taking her breath away with kisses. That meant no more Jennel.

"The act that I'm sending home is Paige". I said finally. Only to realize it was all on Simon's hands once again. And I was praying, harder than I ever did that he had the good sense of vote for Paige to go home so Jennel could have the chance to stay. For her dreams. For me.

That didn't do. Simon couldn't be crueler. I'm sure he did it just to rub it on my face that she was leaving because I changed her style and he didn't like it. He always had to be superior, and I didn't really care. He owned the show, he really _was_ superior. But he didn't have the right to be that unfair. I mentored them both, and I knew as much as everyone else did that Jennel had more talent, confidence, and charm than any other contestant in the competition. She was perfect. She shined, and I was _really_ proud of her.

I had my head in between my hands, looking down, avoiding the looks of everyone for a few moments.

Jennel was wordless after all that. Standing tall and a little bit shaky, she said

"I'm just happy that I've come so far…"

"Is there anything you want to say to Demi?" asked Khloe.

"Thank you" she said, looking directly in my eyes. I wondered if she could see the tears that were messing up my vision. "Thank you" she repeated, and I knew she didn't have the strength to say anything else in front of all those people.

I could see her emotions coming up to her face as the playing of her moments on The X Factor started. She was about to cry. I wasn't suppose to go on stage, but fuck that. The girl I love just had all her dreams crushed; I couldn't just sit and watch that.

So I hugged her tightly. Her tiny body shaking against mine as she cried, and I cried with her.

"It's okay, you'll be okay, I'm still here, I'm right here" I whispered into her curly hair, feeling her sweet scent for what I knew it would be one of the last moments with her for a long time.

Then the flashback ended and we had to dry out our tears for the cameras. Still I held her hand and her arm tightly.

"I just think you're so unbelievably talented, and you have a future ahead of you, so I'm not worried" I said looking into her eyes as if we were alone, and for a moment I forgot we weren't "That I love you, and I really, really believe in you" I finished, and felt her hand holding even tighter. I think I was never as certain of something I've said as I was at that moment.

The show went on, and I could see her mind was still confused and upset.

"I'm really pissed, this is not over" I whispered to her, while we were still on stage.

"I'm sorry, I really thought it was possible…" she started.

"You don't have to apologize. Just promise me you'll be strong"

She nodded.

"I will try" she said.

* * *

Then the show was over. Demi and I went trough the press separately backstage. I answered all the questions the same way: voice muffled from crying, trying to smile a little bit, being honest with fewer words. The dream had come to an end and I had to accept that. Maybe this wasn't for me, maybe The X Factor was only for "pop stars" and I'd have to make my own rock n' roll career outside of it. Maybe it was for the best.

Still, I couldn't help but feel miserable. Demi really showed how upset she was behind the cameras, and I was afraid I had upset her, that I didn't try hard enough, that I didn't follow the script or something.

We needed a moment for ourselves, just the two of us, and we knew that because we kept making eye contact afar from each other while giving short interviews. I wondered if she got the message with my last song on the show. If she knew how grateful I was for her and all that she had given me (advice, hope, faith in my music, confidence). That she was the reason I had changed, and I was glad I did. I remembered the way _she – Demi-fucking-Lovato __–_ looked at me as if I was the most amazing creature in the world. How she would make fun of me for being the only person with almost the same age as herself that was tinier than her. How she mentioned that she loved the sound of my laugh, how she made me feel beautiful, special, and loved. During the last couple of months Demi had become… everything. She wasn't just my mentor, obviously. Even though no one else knew what was going on between us the whole time, I never felt something more real. Leaving her would be way more painful than leaving the competition.

The anxiety was taking over me until we could finally be alone in her dressing room (I shared mine with all the other contestants, so that wouldn't do).

She locked the door behind me as soon as I walked in, and took my face in between her hands. I felt the tears running down her face as she kissed me. Her lips were shaky, and she was sobbing, but she wouldn't let me step back.

I held her tightly by the waste, starting to cry again. While kissing her passionately, mixing my tears with hers, I realized this could be our last moment. It was the kind of kiss that hurts and doesn't let you stop. It was a goodbye kiss. Her lips, always calm and delicate, were bittersweet. I could tell she was feeling the same mixed emotions as I was.

After a few minutes we calmed breaths and heartbeats a little bit, with our eyes still closed and our foreheads against each other.

Then she put my back against the locked door behind me, I held her arms while she was still holding my cheeks, and we looked into each other's eyes.

"You did all you could" Demi muttered, "I'm sorry if I messed -"

"Don't say that, it's not your fault" I interrupted "You did all you could do, you fought for me" I smiled a bit, which made her draw a little smile too. We stared at each other for long seconds. Her red lipstick had faded a little from her lips and I was sure my own lips had that same color by then. She seemed to realize that as well, and, with a slight laugh, she wiped the corners of my mouth with her thumb, and we kissed again briefly, with no tears, just enjoying the moment.

"I'll miss you so much" she said, putting her arms around my body.

"Me too. I love you, Demi. And I wish I could say that out loud to the world as you did tonight" the words came out of my mouth before I could stop them. That was the first time I told her I love her. My head started to hurt when I realized this could also be the last time. I stroked her brown hair, watching closely as the pure glow in her eyes got even more intense, a large, beautiful grin raising her cheeks.

"You don't have to shout it to the universe, just say it again so I can be sure I'm not dreaming" she said, as happy as I'd ever seen her.

"I love you" I repeated, touching softly the dimples on her face. "I really, really love you".

* * *

One hour. That's all we had to ourselves before she had o leave my dressing room, get back to the mansion and pack.

"Promise we'll keep in touch" she asked, grabbing my hand one last time.

"Of course" I responded almost inaudibly, kissing her forehead before unlocking the door to let her leave. And so she did.


	2. Attached

Hello there awesome readers!

First of all, I wanna thank you for all the lovely reviews I got. You guys motivated me to write this second chapter and the biegining of the third one, so I hope you all like it and keep writing me reviews :)

Note: everything written in _italic _is a _flashback_.

P.S.: sorry if this chapter is not as exciting as the first one, I wanted to tell their story from the very beginning so... it will get better, I promise!

* * *

I couldn't pay attention to the horrible traffic I had to face to get back home. My head was hurting like I had been hit with a baseball bat. "She left" it was all I could think. "I made her go, I sent her home" was also one though hard to get out of my head the whole way. Maybe this was true, maybe people didn't vote for Jennel to stay because I made them hate her. But how could someone _possibly_ hate her?

_The auditions were getting more stressful. A few of them were good, I have to admit, we found some keepers that day in Rhode Island. But none of them had really caught my attention until that time, and I was getting really bored._

_Then there was this girl, dressed in short sorts, a pink top and combat boots. She had the face and personality of an angel. Not to mention her body. Don't judge me, it was really hard not to stare at her bare thigh with that outfit. I was still a bit frustrated from the contestants that came on stage before her, though. I have to admit I wasn't really sure if she was going to be absolutely amazing or just another disaster._

"_Hi…" it was my turn to greet the contestants._

"_Hi!" she responded shyly with a wide smile. Very cute._

"_How are you?"_

"_I'm good, how are you?"_

"_Great, thank you. What's your name?"_

"_My name is Jennel Garcia"_

"_Nice to meet you"_

"_Nice to meet you too!" very, very cute and likable. I really didn't know what to think about her as an artist and I was dying to se how she'd turn out when she performed._

"_How old are you?"_

"_I am 18 years old"_

"_So, who are your inspirations?"_

"_I'm into, like, a lot of old rock, Pat Benatar…" ok, that surprised me a lot._

"_Oh, you know what, Jennel? Everything comes around full circle eventually, right?" said Simon, managing to be as likable to her as she were to us._

"_Yeah…" she responded. I couldn't get over how cute she was._

_Then came the unexpected. It turned out she **really** liked old rock, and **definitely **knew how to perform. Her voice was raspy, strong and sexy as she sang the best cover of "Paris" by Grace Potter & The Nocturnals I've ever heard. I even think she did better than the original version. Everyone in the audinece was going wild with her dance moves, and it wasn't for no reason. I was also completely blown away by her. I was shaking my head with that contagious rock n'roll beat, not able to take my eyes off her. Britney, who was one of the toughest judges even admitted:_

_"She's really good!" _

_"Yeah! Oh my God!" I couldn't stop saying. L.A. was enjoying it as well, cheering for her while she took over that stage like she was born to do that._

_She was on fire. And that fire, I felt, was heating me up as she moved her hips and sang "Oh-la-la, la-la-la-la-la". My first notes worth taking that day were from her performance, and the first word I remember writing was "HOT!" just like that, capital letters, exclamation point. _

_That was a 4-yesses-audition that felt like 400-yesses to me. So, when it was my turn to judge, I just said "Yes. Yes, __yes, __yes, __yes, __yes!" her reaction from all the compliments and yesses she got was the cutest possible. I could tell she was having a hard time keeping herself from crying of joy._

_Then came other huge talents, like Jillian Jensen, for whom I felt a strong connection, and Carly Rose Sonenclair whom was simply unbelievable. Still I was looking forward to see Jennel again… there was just… I don't know, something about her made me… feel something I shouldn't be feeling for a contestant. And I had to keep that in mind._

_I did see her again._

_From the most crowded stage I've ever seen, she came up to the center, and I couldn't help but smile and sigh. There she was, nervous and cute, as I remembered her being in her first audition. And it happened again. She took my breath away. The second performance was even sexier than the first one, and I couldn't help but whisper to L.A. and Britney "Crazy sex appeal". I never really liked that song, "Sweeter", but it suited her voice and attitude perfectly. And I found out how she got me that into her. Her sugar was sweeter. Sweeter and **spicier** than everybody else's on that stage, or on that planet._

_The auditions went on and on, we were all tired. Some decisions were really tough to take; everyone could feel the tension between the contestants. When I saw her picture next to the other contestants in her category I opened a big smile. There were very little arguments about her. She was in. I then remembered how happy and emotional she got after her first audition. I couldn't wait to let her know that she got through it one more time._

_We had a couple minutes to rest before giving them good news or bad news. I could really use some water so I went to get another bottle from the vending machine we had in an area that separated the judges backstage from the contestants' backstage. The securities were keeping someone from coming into that little room, it was forbidden for contestants, they had their own vending machine in their side._

"_Please, I really need to call my parents, there's too much noise in here and…" it was Jennel's voice._

"_I'm sorry miss, but we can't let you in here, it is for staff only" the security responded._

"_Let her in!" I said, one of the securities turned around to face me. "It's okay, really, let her in, in my behalf". They hesitated for a moment and then gave her space to come in. She seemed really anxious._

"_Thank you so much" she said with a smile, and dialed her parent's number on her cellphone. "Hi mom, sorry I couldn't talk before, there was too much noise. Yeah, I'm okay. No, no results yet, I'm feeling real nervous. I call you when I get the response from the judges. Is everyone all right? Okay, tell them I said hi! Love you, bye"._

"_Nervous, huh?" I said bending over to the vending machine to get my water bottle._

"_Yeah, it's also the first time I've been this far from home by myself, so, I don't have much support around here" she said with a nervous laugh. She was shaking! I smiled to her and held her hand. She seemed a little surprised but grabbed my hand and looked at me a little bit confused._

"_Don't worry," I said calmly. "There's no need to be shaking, take a deep breath" and so she did. We both laughed, still holding hands. "I'm not allowed to tell you anything now, but I cans say for myself that I loved both your performances. A lot. It was awesome."_

"_Thank you. Really. Now I don't know if I'm shaking from nervous or from Demi Lovato saying I'm awesome" I laughed harder._

"_Aaaaw, come here" I gave her a hug. Then I noticed that she was considerably shorter than myself, which was usually pretty rare. "You'll be fine, sweetie. Stay Strong" I said letting her go. _

"_Thanks again" she said before going back to her backstage area, much more relaxed. _

_Jennel was on the first row of winners of the first round of the Bootcamp. Her expression went from concerned to relieved in one second. And again, her expression of complete happiness couldn't be more satisfying. She looked directly at me right after she got another "yes". I laughed and winked at her before she left the stage, crying of happiness._

* * *

_I could tell she was even more nervous during her performance on the second round of the Bootcamp. "Landslide" wasn't really the best song choice for her, but I thought she did great anyway. Besides, she didn't even choose the song. I could tell she was upset, and I was upset for her too. More then ever I felt obligated to make her stay._

_The auditions were over, and they would have to wait another answer from us judges. It was pretty late when I got to go back to my hotel, only a few staff people were around when I left the theatre._

_Then I saw her, outside the theatre alone, with her phone in her hands. She looked concerned and a little upset. I could tell she'd been crying._

"_Hey, what are you doing there all alone?" she jumped from surprise and turned to me. "Sorry if I scared you"._

"_It's okay. I couldn't find my phone, so I was looking for it until now, and everybody else already went back to the hotel…" she said, a little embarrassed._

"_I can give you a ride to your hotel, c'mon" I said, smiling to her._

"_Thanks" she responded with a half smile and we walked towards the parking lot. I could tell she wasn't feeling okay._

"_Hey, don't worry about today. We all understand that it wasn't your fault. You didn't get to pick the song and it just wasn't you" I explained, and that made her smile, her eyes were tearing up a little._

"_It's so nice to hear that" she said, drying her eyes before getting in the car in which my driver was waiting for me. I sat next to her on the back seat. Seeing her like that was breaking my heart. _

"_You know what? Let's leave the competition aside for a while now. Tell me how's your life back home" I said, trying to cheer her up._

_She started talking about her hometown, Rochester, and how it was tiny. She told me how her siblings were important to her and showed me the tattoo she had on her wrist in honor to them. She mentioned how she helped her dad build racecars once in a while, which I thought was really badass, and I told her that._

"_I know, right?!" She said with a laugh "I think that's kind of what got me into old rock. It made me tougher. And, my dad is also an old rock fan and we would listen to, like, AC/DC and Guns N' Roses while working in the garage" I could tell she was much more confortable talking to me now._

"_You linking this kind of music got me even more interested in you. I'm also a BIG rock n' roll fan. My first records turned out to be more rock and roll, but I felt like I needed a little bit more R&B in this last one, because I was just getting back in the industry, you know?" _

"_Yeah, I understand. I loved Unbroken, but I gotta admit, I liked Don't Forget and Here We Go Again better…" she said and we both laughed._

"_Maybe we can bring the rock n' roll back, record a couple songs together" I said, rising an eyebrow in her direction. She laughed again._

"_That would be a dream come true" she looked at me, she was blushing. Her eyes, I noticed, were completely hazel, and were sparkling with that idea._

"_I think you could win" I said with my voice tone a little lower, after a couple moments of silence._

"_Really?" she whispered, seeming really surprised._

"_Really. You're talented, you have style, and confidence, and you're also unbelievably beautiful" I whispered back, without really measuring my words before saying them. It was all true, but I guess I shouldn't say that to a contestant when no one else was around. Her face was completely red, and mine was too, I could feel it. She looked down, like she didn't know what to say, so I held her hand and started to slowly trace shapes on it with my thumb. She looked at me again and I noticed we'd gotten closer to each other, our faces were about six inches apart. "I mean it" I said. I couldn't stop myself. She smiled and I smiled too._

"_You're wonderful, Demi" se replied, I could feel the shyness in her voice._

_Then we got to her hotel. She thanked me again for the ride and I told her to have a good night of rest. I couldn't help but feeling guilty. I was **flirting** with a contestant. That was completely unprofessional, but I had to admit, I was enjoying it._

* * *

_The next day was even more nerve wrecking for her, I could tell. But it was only until she got call to the stage with the other young adults. _

"_Also going through to the judges' homes is… Jennel Garcia" I got to say. She immediately started crying from happiness, and went to hug Jillian who was also crying. It was so good to see that. Jillian also got through. I knew they were good friends, and they could not be happier, and that made me feel really great._

_I know I shouldn't get attached, and it was really hard not to feel like that. _

_I had to stop._


	3. Dreaming

I never thought packing a suitcase could be this painful. Lyric and I were the two leaving the biggest room in the mansion the next morning and everyone seemed very shocked and depressed. Cece and I chatted a little while I was putting my stuff together, but she was very tired, and went to bed when I was still folding my clothes. By the time I finished packing I could hear there were people still awake in other rooms, probably the girls from Fifth Harmony, considering Normani wasn't in the room, and maybe some others who weren't so tired they couldn't celebrate making through another week on the show, like my other roommates. I'm sure a lot of them were sad I was leaving, specially CeCe, who was the first person to come hug me when the show ended, after I talked to Demi, of course. I was rooting for CeCe. Even though we weren't really close before the live shows, I found out she was really not as cocky as everyone thought she was, and came out as one of the most selfless people I've ever met. Her cockiness in the beginning was just a weapon she used to hide her insecurities and keep her confidence high. We'd become really good friends and I'd miss her back home, for sure. I'd miss waking up early and working non-stop everyday for one performance a week. I'd miss rehearsing with dancers, or just warming up my vocal chords. I'd miss having Demi around during all of this, as my mentor, as my friend, and, sometimes, as my lover. Looking back is amazing to see how she managed to do a great job as my mentor – which really was supposed to be the only thing she had to do – and keep up with our very secret relationship the whole way through. Of course it wasn't easy for her. I noticed that from the very beginning.

"_I'm gonna be honest, you are the most promising act I've seen so far. I had a girl crush in Austin, and I think you're my new one" _I remember her saying in my very first audition. I think they cut that from the episode on FOX, and I'm glad they did because I couldn't blush any more than I was after she said that. My whole body was shaking with adrenaline that day – which I know was the best of my entire life. Part of that adrenaline was because I was meeting Demi for the first time. She was my first concert, and even though she'd changed a lot since the first and last time I'd seen her, she was still one of my role models - not to mention celebrity crushes. And to hear that she had a crush on _me _was - simply put - unbelievable and unexpected. That day felt more like a dream than anything else, and I couldn't stop replaying it in my mind. Demi being the first judge to talk to me, she nodding and smiling in approval while I was singing, and how she complimented me in so many ways that made me feel special.

Almost the same happened during Bootcamp. It seemed like she couldn't help herself. During my performance on the first day, I noticed she couldn't keep her eyes away from me – which, I have to admit, encouraged me to "spicy" things up a little while I sang. She whispered something to the other judges (that I later found out to be "Crazy sex appeal") before looking at me in a way that felt like she was undressing me with her eyes. I felt a little embarrassed by that, I'm not going to lie, but it also got me even more into her. And I couldn't be.

She was the nicest person after that performance, when we met backstage and she hugged me. And her expression of pure happiness when Simon said we were through to the second day of Bootcamp was the cutest. The second day was probably the most nerve wrecking day of the competition. My confidence was very damaged after that performance of "_Landslide_", I couldn't put into words how angry I was when Tara said we were set on that song the day before we performed. That's when my mental breakdown started. Demi didn't say a single word after we sang, which made me worry even more. I called my parents crying that day. I just wanted to go home. Desperately. And I decided I would. It was already dark when I hung up the phone and went out of the theatre to look for a cab that could get me to the hotel so I could get my stuff. That's when she appeared. Demi offered me a ride, and I accepted it, wondering if I should tell her about me going home, giving up. And then she said _"Hey, don't worry about today. We all understand that it wasn't your fault. You didn't get to pick the song and it just wasn't you"._

"_It's so nice to hear that" – _I replied. She didn't know how happy I was to hear that from her. And we chatted the whole way back to the hotel. She asked about my life back home and I told her all the important and sweet things about my family. That made me think about them, and how they always supported me so much with this experience, and how deeply I wanted to make them proud. And I realized, with the glim in Demi's eyes while she listened to me telling her my life story, I wanted to make _her_ proud too. I never told her how she saved me that day, how her actions made all difference for me. How I felt butterflies in my stomach when she – again – complimented me in a way that made me feel like a goddess and held my hand. The next day, when she said my name along with the other people that were going through to the judges' homes was worth all the suffering I had passed through Bootcamp.

I didn't expect to go that far, really. When I applied to that competition I didn't expect to go to _her house_. But I did. And Nick _fucking_ Jonas was there, too. Jillian had said something about that on our way to her house, but we still didn't know where we were going, so I said "Y_eah, it would be awesome, I hope it's her house and that Nick is there, but it's kida too good to be true, isn't it?_". And then, bingo, there they were. Seeing her again made my heart race faster, as if it was the first time. Hugging her, after so long apart, never felt so good.

We all chatted and had some snacks before we were introduced on how everything was going to work from that point on. It was time to rehearse, so each one of us tried to find a quiet spot in Demi's house to do so. Her house was surreal, by the way. It seemed to have no end, and I didn't know where to go, since most of the rooms we were allowed to go into were already occupied. I didn't want anyone to hear me sing before I sang to her. I had chosen that song a few days before the competition and, even though I didn't know I was going to her house, the song was sort of… inspired by her. I sighed in relief when I finally found an empty room, close to her backyard and right next to what I thought it was her TV room, because I could hear some music. Then I noticed it wasn't any "music", it was _my voice_.

"This girl…" I heard Demi's voice coming from that other room.

"What about her?" Nick asked in a lower tone. They were watching our previous auditions.

"I think she's my favorite, I mean…" she let out a long sigh, Nick laughed. "It's not what you think!" she said also laughing, I could hear her slapping Nick jokingly "Or, I don't know, maybe it is… She's very talented, awesome performer…".

"Nice voice" Nick commented as I sang the last verse of "_Paris_" on the video they were watching.

"Yes, awesome voice, awesome dance moves… I mean, look at that, she's just…" Demi didn't seem to be able to finish any of her sentences.

"Hot" Nick completed it for her. I wish I could see them at that time.

"So _fucking_ hot" Demi agreed, and Nick started to laugh harder. "No, really, wait till you see the next one!" she said laughing awkwardly before playing my first audition at Bootcamp.

"Wow. Yeah, I can see why she's your favorite" Nick said.

"It's not just because of that. She's the sweetest. She has confidence, she knows who she is and what she wants, but she's definitely not cocky. She's a good person, we're… _friends_" she said in defense, and Nick was laughing again. One more time I wish I could fucking see their faces.

"Yeah, right… All right, not gonna say anything, not gonna give my opinion about _that" _they were silent for a brief moment and Demi started laughing really hard. What was he doing?! "I think she flips her hair too much though".

"Yeah, it's kinda sexy, but I think she's overdoing it, that should be our advice to her" Demi said, when they finished watching my performances.

Then I realized I hadn't practiced my song at all, and I couldn't do it there because they would hear it and they would know I was listening to them talking. Dammit. I made my way back to the living room, where Nick Youngerman was rehearsing his song by himself. It would be a little bit harder for me to practice, but I put on headphones started to sing the song to myself, still thinking about the conversation between Demi and Nick. She thinks I'm hot. She thinks I'm sweet – the sweetest. I'm her favorite. Still I was dying to know why Nick thought it was all so funny. Did he think Demi actually, like, had a crush on me?

Well, there was one way to know for sure, and it was about to happen. I noticed Demi and Nick were walking around the house and talking to the other contestants, until they got to me. I took off my headphones when they got closer.

"Hi!" she said, sitting next to me, Nick sat on the couch in front of me.

"Hello"

"How's it going?" she seemed to giggle a little bit on the inside, huge smile on her face. Nick was smiling too.

"Good"

"Good! I just wanted to give you like a litte advice before you go out there." I nodded "You have such incredible stage presence, but when I get nervous on stage I tend to overdo certain movements, and I can tell when you get a little nervous because you flip your hair a little much" she said. I saw this coming.

"Yeah" I replied, laughing nervously, that was true after all.

"Just a little bit would be enough" she said finally, getting up.

"Thank you!"

"I'll see you later".

I was the first one to perform. I thought we were going to chat a little bit before I sang, but right when I walked into the room and stood in front of Nick and Demi, she asked me:

"So, what song are you gonna sing today?"

"_I Kissed a Girl…_" I said a little bit flirtatiously, looking at her, and then completed "by Katy Perry".

Nick rose his eyebrows, making a surprised and happy face that was hilarious, and Demi just said "Cool", with the widest also-a-little-bit-flirtatious smile I'd ever seen. The Demi looked at Nick, who was still making that "Hummmmmm" face and laughed out loud. Bingo. That's what I was looking for. Demi Lovato did have a crush on me. "Focus, you gotta sing now!" I thought, and then tried to use this little information I'd just gotten to perform better.

"_I'm curious for you_" I pointed at Demi discreetly while singing "_caught my attention…_" her face was a little bit more serious, she seemed to be a little bit more uncomfortable, which was really just another sign that proved my song choice had an effect on her. It was all so _surreal_.

"Thank you" she said right after I finished singing.

"Thank _you_" I replied. Then I thought if it was right to be flirting with her that, even indirectly. The response to that was an obvious "NO" but I couldn't help it because, well… I liked her back. I couldn't lie to myself. Flirting with her that way was so much fun, and through the way she looked at me I could tell she was pleased by that as well, knowing that she shouldn't be. That's what was making the whole thing a little bit awkward. I stood there for a couple seconds, waiting to see if we would chat a little bit before I go, but neither of them said anything.

The other auditions went on, and by the time we were done everyone was starving, so Demi came and congratulated all of us for the performances before letting us go out to dinner then back to the hotel. While we were grabbing our stuff to get in the crew cars, I felt someone gabbing my arm slightly and then whispering in my ear.

"_Nice song choice_".

It was her voice. I felt chills all over my body when I turned to look at Demi.

"T-thanks" I replied, blushing, but still smiling to her before she winked and went back to the living room to say goodbye to everyone.

Oh my fucking God. What was that?

I was still nervous thought. It wasn't just because Demi had a possible crush on me that she would let me go through to the live shows. That could even be one more reason for her not to pass me forward. That was the audition that mattered the most, for sure, and I had lost much confidence after I performed. It was definitely nerve wracking having to wait for an answer until the next day.

We exchanged knowing glances with guilty smiles the next day. Fortunately I was the first one to get the response from her. "Life starts now" I mentally repeated my mantra over and over again.

An then it happened. It was literally, the highlight of my life.

When she started saying that she was concerned with my insecurities while I performed, I was preparing myself for the worst. I could've never guessed that her next line would be "Jennel... You're on my final four!". I immediately started crying, and she gave me a genuine smile "This is _such_ an opportunity for you".

"God… I was so worried…" I stated saying, and I couldn't finish it.

"Aw! Come here" she hugged me, and I hugged her back. One reason I would always remember Demi Lovato: she was always the one pushing me forward. She rooted for me, from beginning to end. She trusted me, she _really_ believed in me. That was no doubt the best feeling in the world. Right there, in her arms, I felt invincible. It hit me. I was hopelessly in love with her.

"I'm still dreaming. I've been waiting to wake up, but I haven't" I remember saying that same day, when they asked me how I was feeling.

It was true. I still didn't want to wake up. But looking down my top bunk and seeing all my suitcases ready to go home was a constant reminder that I had to.


	4. Lesson number Three

My first experiences as a mentor taught me valuable lessons. The first one: some decisions are hard to make. Sending Jillian Jensen was by far one of the saddest moments I had to face in that competition. She was way too talented, but, unfortunately, there were only four spots. It was heartbreaking listening to her crying and Jennel comforting her, crying as well. And then I was crying. Which led me to the second lesson: stay impartial. It was hard, but I did. I knew it would hurt them both, but I did what I concluded was the best for the show. Though I wasn't sure that was the best decision I'd ever made, it was done, and we had to move on.

Looking from another perspective, I was more than satisfied with my group at that moment, simply because I knew I had the winner. And she was right in front of me, in a cute gray t-shirt and her signature short shorts. Her brown/yellow hair was still wet, a sign that she had just got out of the shower. She was whistling a song I think I knew with a towel still in her hands, probably sure there wasn't anybody else in the room. That's why she jumped and let out a little scream when she noticed me sitting on the top bunk next to the window, swinging my legs as a little kid. I laughed out loud as I saw the shock taking over her face.

"Good morning! I wish I could say I'm sorry to scare you, but I' kinda not... you're face is priceless" I said, still laughing.

"Ha-ha. I thought mentors were suppose to support the contestants no giving them a heart attack" she said ironically, faking anger at me, but I could see her smirking while drying her hair with the towel. I got down her bed to give her a hello hug, and she was actually smiling this time. God, I missed her.

"Yeah, well, I'm not the most mature mentor, but you're also not the most mature contestant, since all of your roommates are finishing breakfast and you got out of the shower just now" I said, sitting on the lower bunk this time.

"This is unfair! They're usually the _sleepyheads_, I don't know what happened to me today" she was laughing while looking for her hairbrush in the pile of random things next to her bed "Besides, I didn't know we had something to do before 3 p.m. today".

"You don't, I just thought to come here before and check on you" She looked at me, and I got a little bit nervous because, even with that messy hair and no makeup or any production at all she, was still breathtakingly beautiful "You know, just to se how you're doing since we hadn't seen each other for so long".

"I've been great," she had the most genuine smile "being here is like living the dream, I never wanna leave L.A.".

"You're not going to, I'm sure" I responded, confident. She lay next to me on the bed, with a dramatic sigh. I smile. How could she be this adorable? I let my back meet the mattress, lying right next to her, and we just stare at each other for some time. It may seem a little weird and uncomfortable, but it actually felt nice. I remember doing that in the backseat of a crew car in Miami when I gave her a ride back to her hotel; we got used to hold each other's gaze for several minutes without saying anything. I didn't quite know what that meant, but I felt the butterflies shaking in my stomach every time we did that, because we always seemed like we were about to kiss. Damn, I should NOT be thinking about that. I was the first to break the eye contact, taking a stripe of her hair in between my fingers. "CeCe is dying her hair blonde today" I said randomly playing with her hair.

"Really? Why?" she asked, following my hands with her eyes distractly.

"For the show. I think she'll look more like a pop star, and she does need a new beginning, I mean, she didn't give the best first impression" I said, still playing with her hair, then looked at her "Not everyone can be likable and feisty at the same time" she smiled, blushing her cheeks with those cute little dimples. She had her head resting on her arm, getting a little bit closer to me, and I could tell she was embarrassed, but not uncomfortable, because we were looking at each other like _that _again. She reached for my cheeks and pushed my bangs aside. Her smile had faded, and now she was looking at me like I was the most incredible thing alive. I felt like that was ridiculous, considering how _she _looked more like an angel than anything I'd ever seen. Her eyes still seemed a little sleepy under her long light-brown lashes and her pink plump lips were parted, in the most inviting way. Way too inviting. Everything my mind managed to wander about was if they were really as soft as they seemed.

The silence prolonged as I gradually diminished the distance between us, so I could find that: no, her lips were way softer and sweeter than they seemed. It started out slow, I kissed them tenderly, and she grabbed the back of my neck in response, kissing me back shyly. Then I felt her tongue on my lower lip, and gave her entrance with a sigh that almost sounded like a gasp. My left arm was around her waist, pulling her closer, and she had her hands on either side of my face. My heart was beating so fast I swear to God I was going to pass out, and I could feel hers too, with her breasts pressed against mine, our temperatures rising to a point it was almost unbearable. Then I stopped. We looked at each other, the same scared expression on our faces.

"This is so wrong" I whispered, shutting my eyes closed for a second before sitting back up on her bed.

"I'm _so, so, so, so_ sorry" she said, sitting up as well, fixing her shirt, her face was tomato-red by then "I promise it will never happen again and-"

"It was my fault you don't have to apologize" I said, more embarrassed that I'd ever been, looking at her for the first time after the kiss "It doesn't mean it's okay though. This would make me loose my job and kick you out of the competition, and… Oh fuck. This is bad. _I'm_ sorry".

"It's fine, I won't tell anybody" she said, her hands crossed on her lap. We looked at each other and laughed nervously. The second that followed were filled with actual awkward silence. I wanted to say _'This will never happen again, don't worry'_ but I just couldn't, because I'd never felt more alive then I did in that moment, kissing her. And she didn't make an objection.

I got up again, taking a few steps towards the door as she gathered her hairbrush and towel.

"Hurry up, we still have to take our breakfast" I said smiling to her before leaving the room, and I saw her smiling too, before hearing the loudest simultaneous sigh between us while I was already making my way downstairs.

Lesson number three: don't fall in love with a contestant.


End file.
